Here’s everything you need to know about how to sext, including tons of examples for you to try with your partner and general rules to keep in mind for an optimal sexting experience that leaves both you and your partner feeling good after being a little bad. It can be as simple as the quick recounting of a memory (“last night was so hot, I loved the way you pushed me up against the wall”), or it can be a 10-paragraph erotic novel your partner writes specifically for you via text without any expectation of a response besides a “thank you.” In addition to written messages, sexting can involve pictures, videos, or even voice messages. Like other forms of phone sex, sexting is an amazing way to connect with your partner from miles away, build sexual tension in between rendezvouses, or even explore fantasies that you may not be comfortable sharing in-person.   This is doubly important if you’re sending a sexy selfie. Think of asking for consent as a fun way to tease your partner. Try saying something like, “I just took a photo of myself post-shower, and I kind of want to send it to you…do you want to see?” Or, “I can’t stop thinking about last night, and I have an idea for what I want to do to you next time. Can I tell you what I’m thinking?” If your sexting partner is making you feel uncomfortable (or maybe you just got a really important phone call mid-sext), don’t forget that you can revoke consent at any time. “It’s OK to tell someone to tone it down or for you to change your mind regarding how much you would like to engage in such an act,” sex therapist Patricia Lamas Alvarez, LCSW, tells mbg. You should even be wary of mentioning to others that you and your partner are sexting at all unless you’ve previously confirmed with your partner that they’re OK with this. You should also be mindful of sexting laws in your state and country, particularly if you’re underage. In general, be wary of sending any explicit imagery of your face. Try shooting photos from your mouth down so your partner can see your sexy lips without you having to worry about being too identifiable. “Some take the extra precaution of adding fake tattoos to their pics so that their body is even less recognizable,” sexologist Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., explains to mbg. If storing sexy images on your phone, try using a separate app so your nudes don’t accidentally get seen (or sent) from your photo app. Private Photo Vault or Secret Calculator are good options. Because your partner can’t hear the tone of your voice or read your body language, Harris suggests going the extra mile by using emoji, exclamation points, and adverbs. The heart and kiss emoji are a good place to start, and the heart-eye and drooling emoji are great for showing your partner how turned on you are by their words or images. It’s also never a bad time to tell your partner “you’re getting me so hot right now,” or “you are so sexy, it’s unbelievable.” See below for more examples of ways to show appreciation through words and emoji.  If something they’re mentioning via sext is really killing the mood for you, simply steer the conversation away from that topic or scenario by using a “yes, and…” approach and they should hopefully get the hint. For example, if your partner has mentioned tying you up and you’re not into that, you can respond something like this: “After tying me up, you realize that I want to use my hands to feel your body, so you untie me and let me get on top of you.” (Here’s more on how to deal with when your partner’s fantasies turn you off.) “Oftentimes, we make the mistake of sending too much too soon,” O’Reilly explains. “Part of what makes sexting so intoxicating is the escalation of eroticism and anticipation.” In fact, when sexting, you have even more leeway to draw things out and tease your partner because you don’t run the risk of getting too excited and moving too quickly as you might in person. Start out by describing the scene, your and your partner’s mindset, what you two are wearing, etc. You can even tease your partner by sending a super-steamy sext and then telling them to think about that while you go to the gym—and that you’ll send them a sweaty selfie when you get back.  RELATED: How To Talk Dirty During Sex, On The Phone & Whenever These are all things to think about before sexting someone new (and it’s never a bad idea to revisit this with your current partner). “It’s best to lay down a blanket negotiation for any kind of sexting in advance,” suggests Harris. “What language does each person like and dislike? What topics are off-limits?” If you feel uncomfortable having this precursor conversation to your sexting, you can try working this into your sexting conversations. For example, “Does it turn you on when I call you ‘Daddy’?” Of course, when asking in this context, your partner may feel more pressured to say yes in hopes of not hurting your feelings, so keep this in mind.  The more specific you are about what you want to do and how you want to be touched, the hotter things will be for your partner. “Get specific about what turns you on [and] what you would like to have done to you, as well as what you would enjoy from the other person in that moment,” suggests Alvarez.  If you’re not confident in your writing skills, think of the five senses when crafting your sexts, and think of things specific to your partner (such as their body, sexual preferences, or even their apartment setting). RELATED: 150+ Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend To Spark Conversation If you do want to show off to your sexting partner, play up the tease. Instead of sending your fully nude body in the mirror, send a close-up booty shot from below or a video of you running your hands down your body slowly. Sometimes wearing something skimpy (like a see-through T-shirt or skimpy underwear) can be sexier than being fully nude.  Also, don’t worry about taking an Instagram-worthy photo. Part of the appeal of exchanging sexy photos is the realness and rawness of them. Not to mention, knowing that your partner snapped a pic, especially for you is a big turn-on to some. “There is a reason amateur porn is often more appealing than high-budget films,” says O’Reilly.  Don’t be afraid to ask questions. For example, “If you could do anything you wanted with me, what would you do?” or “When you come over tonight, what should I be wearing to greet you at the door?”  Similarly, don’t be afraid to assert your own preferences so that your partner can learn about you, even if they’re not asking great questions. For example, “It would turn me on so much if you ate me from behind,” or “If you sucked on my balls, I would go wild.” RELATED: 21 Things To Do & Say To Have Good Phone Sex Remember that your sexting confidante is not expecting award-winning literature or photos. Part of what turns them on is knowing who’s behind the phone screen.